In this third conversation, Collin shares the part of his story of immense struggle and wilderness. After walking away from the faith of his childhood that he inherited from his parents, he didn’t immediately find freedom or clarity. Instead, he entered a long season of searching for meaning and purpose elsewhere. He looked to economic systems, political ideologies, other religions and intellectual frameworks, hoping one of them could give his life coherence. None of them did. What followed was not certainty, but a growing sense of nihilism, which is the feeling that nothing ultimately mattered.
This season led Collin to what St. John of the Cross called the dark night of the soul: a time marked by unknowing, disorientation, and deep inner struggle. He describes hitting rock bottom, admitting his powerlessness to “figure it all out,” and letting go of the illusion that the right answers, or enough intelligence or effort, could save him. It was not a triumphant path upward, but a descent. And yet, as so many have discovered before him, descent and powerlessness is typically the doorway to grace.
Ten days after quitting his job, Collin encountered what can be described as a modern-day Damascus Road moment. This was an experience that did not come through argument, doctrine, or coercion, but through unearned grace. That moment did not erase his questions or undo his past, but it softened his heart enough to reconsider Christianity - not as a system to defend, but as a place where love and transformation might still be possible.
If you’ve ever walked through a time of unknowing, felt crushed by the weight of meaninglessness, or wondered whether grace could still meet you after everything has fallen apart, this conversation is for you.
